


Mean girls fanfics that I’m gonna regret

by baby_panda20



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Broadway, F/F, Fanfiction, meangirlsmusical, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-05-16 21:11:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19326187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baby_panda20/pseuds/baby_panda20
Summary: I say mean girls here but I really mean Janis/Cady. They're too adorable not to ship. Send in some requests, I'll write anything but smut and suicide as long as it stays in canon time. Enjoy these although I'll regret them years later. Thanks for reading!





	1. I Can’t Go To Class If I’m Crippled

**Author's Note:**

> a few rules/heads up:  
> 1\. I abhor smut so none of that   
> 2\. No Janis x Regina, Kevin x Janis, Cady x Regina, or Damian x anyone female   
> 3\. Don't yell at me if I post triggers or something you have a problem with. I'd be willing to talk it out rationally if you really have a problem with a certain chapter existing that you can't just solve by skipping. But I'll always give you plenty of warning if there is anything triggering so if you choose to read anyway that's on you. You're allowed to skip chapters if you can't handle it. They're oneshots, you won't miss anything.  
> 4\. Nothing 18+ most likely besides cussing and maybe some triggers   
> 5\. I'm not gonna be shipping people left and right. I only ship Cady and Janis but that's honestly it don't attack me please.  
> 6\. I'm going off musical characters because I'm obsessed and I can't picture movie characters for some reason.

(This chapter is from approximately a year ago from my Wattpad book with the same title and same username. I promise it gets better. TW for homophobic slurs and bullying)

 

School. The one place Janis dreaded more than anything. The days blended together. She never paid attention in her classes, she'd never need to know half the stuff anyway. But then came the time that she hated the most: lunchtime. Also known as one big free-for-all. No teachers to watch over them, no safety net. She was like a wounded gazelle in a pack of lions. Cady told her that metaphor one day, and she'd adopted it because it was scarily accurate. But the gazelle never had to face Regina George. 

Regina was worse than a lion in Janis' eyes. The pain she'd suffered from Regina felt worse than being viciously dismembered. At least with the gazelle, they could suffer intense pain in a few minutes and then it would all be over. With Janis, the trauma had lingered since 7th grade. Since Regina's all-girl pool party. Every day became a struggle to stay alive in her habitat. Four whole years of wearing a big, red bullseye on her chest. Four whole years of being called the space dyke with 4 butts. Four whole years of therapy, of okay days and bad days and really bad days. Janis hated Regina with every bone in her body. 

She walked into the cafeteria hesitantly that day, walking as quickly as she could past the Plastics table towards where Damian and Cady were sitting. She'd brought her sketchbook and a tray of several tiny cups of paint, intending to work on her art project during lunch. She balanced them effortlessly on her arm, so used to holding onto them for dear life over the years. Janis made it to the very edge of the table when the all-too-familiar iciness of Regina's voice rang in her ears. 

"Where do you think you're going, lesbo? Why in such a rush? Afraid you're going to smooch on me or something?" Regina stood up menacingly, walking slowly around the table to be face to face with Janis. Janis was tall, 5'9" to be exact, but Regina's 4 inch heels gave her exactly the right amount of leverage to look down with disgust at her ex-best friend. "Janis, I can't help it if you're in love with me. But seriously, you need to let it go." Gretchen and Karen giggled behind her. 

As Regina spoke, an eerie hush fell amongst the rest of the cafeteria. Janis could see everyone's heads turned towards her and Regina, waiting anxiously for something good to happen. And by good, obviously, they meant humiliating. She could see Cady holding Damian back, the fire in his eyes growing. She knew she looked desperate for help, but it was inevitable. There was nothing he could do or say that wouldn't make it worse for her. She looked at Cady, thankful for her presence. Her fearful gaze softened slightly as she stared at Cady's features. 

Her soft cheeks, a faint rosiness spreading across them. Her hair, that gorgeous auburn hair that flows down her shoulders so naturally and smoothly, without her even trying. And her eyes...God, those eyes. Bluer than the oceans, almost glimmering in the fluorescent light. Now they were filled with sympathy, wishing they could do something other than just look at Janis, who was frozen in the middle of the cafeteria.

Within seconds, Regina's wicked cadence broke Janis' trance. "Aw, Janis, you didn't tell me you had a girlfriend!" Regina raised her voice to be crisp and babyish, clearly intent on mocking her.

"She's not..." Janis' words cut out on her. They did that far too often. 

It was then that Regina noticed Janis' supplies tucked under her arm. "Were you going to paint some dyke-y picture of her that you can frame by your bed and make out with when you go to sleep? God, you're pathetic." 

Janis was suddenly shoved to the ground from behind. The sketchbook and paints along with her lunch tray flew out of her arms. Her ankle cracked hard underneath her as she fell on it. It immediately started going numb. 

Numbness. She despised numbness. You feel nothing, and yet, you feel everything. It hurts so bad that it doesn't hurt at all. Did she even have a foot anymore? She could see it there, still attached to her body. But it felt like there was nothing but empty space. Salty tears began forming at the corners of her eyes. She shut them tightly, knowing full well that Regina would mock her further if she saw them fall. 

However, Janis was absolutely horrible at hiding her feelings, no matter how many acting lessons Damian gave her. Regina saw immediately. "Janis, don't be a crybaby. Here," Regina hissed, picking up the tray of paints, flipping the cups open and shut cruelly. "Let me help you." Regina flipped the tray over faster than Janis could get away. 

Various colors of paint dripped down Janis' hair and onto her clothes. "Ever since you got that fugly lesbian dye job I've been wanting to give you a makeover. Thank me later." The paint started dripping down Janis' forehead, creeping towards her eyes. She wiped the paint off, only managing to smear it deeper into her skin. 

Regina, Karen, and Gretchen, as well as the rest of the cafeteria (except for Cady and Damian) burst into laughter, cackling and heckling. "Oh, and Janis," Regina said coldly between laughs, "Before you even think about going into the bathroom to wash that off, just know that I have someone standing guard out there with strict orders to keep you away." 

Regina raised her voice, cruelly broadcasting the message to the whole cafeteria. "You'll give all the girls some deadly alien STDs." Regina feigned gasping as all the girls broke into chattery whispers. "Yeah. Deadly." She emphasized the word to strike nonsensical paranoia into the hearts of her followers.

Janis continued wiping the cold paint away from her face. It smeared on the backs of her hands and on her cheeks as she tried to hinder her tears. 

Meanwhile, her foot had regained enough feeling that she felt like she could walk on it. She picked up her sketchbook and staggered to her feet, wobbling a little as she put weight on the "bad" foot. She half stormed, half wobbled out of the cafeteria, not even bothering to look back at Damian and Cady. She didn't want to see the heartbreak in their eyes. The whole cafeteria pointed and laughed behind her, the Plastics laughing the hardest. She could hear the faint chants of "space dyke" that she had become so accustomed to. She stifled a sob as she pushed the doors open, slamming them hard behind her. 

If she couldn't go to the bathroom, she'd go to the art room. The art room not only had sinks, but it provided her with an aura of inexplicable comfort. It was her happy place, the one place that Regina and the other Plastics wouldn't dare go in fear of being seen as "art freaks". 

As she walked more, a little more feeling came back to her foot. But not good feeling. She felt like her ankle was being twisted into a pretzel. Her knees hurt, too. She could already see the bruises forming as she looked down. 

Janis could hear voices yelling her name at the opposite end of the hall. Damian and Cady. The only people who cared. She was used to hearing Damian's pained yelling. But Cady's was something different. More innocent, pure, elegant. It made her feel a thousand times worse. Turning the corner, she continued to ignore them, sobbing harder as soon as she couldn't see them anymore. Or, at least, their legs, refusing to look them in the eyes. She couldn't deal with people seeing her pain. Not even her true friends. She'd rather suffer alone.  
————————————————————————  
"Come on, Caddy, I know exactly where she's going!"  Damian was practically sprinting down the hall after Janis, in hot pursuit towards the art room. Cady was struggling to keep up. She was wearing 3 inch heels after all. She took deep, panting breaths, stopping whenever she could until Damian looked behind him, grabbing Cady's hand tightly and almost pulling her. They turned the corner sharply, causing Cady to slip a little.

"You okay, hon?" Damian asked, briefly stopping. "Yeah," Cady sighed. "Yeah," she said again, more crestfallen this time. She hated when Janis was the target of Regina's cruelty. It broke her just as much as it broke Damian. "Come on, Caddy, we're almost there, I promise." he said through heavy breaths. Damian continued pulling Cady's arm so hard that Cady thought he'd pull it clean off.

Meanwhile, Janis had been feverishly washing her head in the art room, bending it awkwardly under the curved faucet. Through her blurred vision, she could see the agonizing rainbow of colors trickle down the drain. It was horribly beautiful. 

She looked in the mirror above the sink. She looked atrocious. Her face and her eyes were bright red. Streaks of tears ran through splotches of dried paint on her face. Her jacket was still covered in dried paint, and she could see bits of crusty color that had seeped through the many thick layers of her hair. She had no idea how on earth she'd get that all out. 

The whole time she'd been rubbing water on her head, she'd been sobbing. Sobbing more than she ever had before. She felt vulnerable, another feeling she hated. Hiding her long list of problems from her family had become routine. She despised sympathy, though she longed for comfort. At least she was alone now, she thought. She could let everything out. 

And then came the click of the door handle. She knew exactly who it was and what they wanted, and it was exactly what she didn't want. In a panic, Janis locked herself in the storage closet. But Damian had already burst in the door just as Janis shut herself in. He pulled Cady over to the door, trying to knock calmly. 

"Damian, you're hurting my arm," Cady whispered, so Janis wouldn't hear. Janis whined in the closet, trying her hardest not to sob too loud. "Caddy, honey, let me take care of her. She gets like this sometimes, it's a little overwhelming if it's your first time." Cady retreated to the other side of the room silently, scared for Janis but trying to hide it as best she could. 

"Jan, honey. It's Damian." Damian and Cady immediately heard a loud bang on the other side of the closet door. Janis had used her good foot to kick it as hard as she could manage, signaling her desire to be alone. Cady jumped a little, startled by the noise. The door rattled for a second before settling. 

"Hey, hey. You're okay, Jan. Aw, I know, don't worry, we'll get the paint out somehow. It'll be okay. You're alright." Another kick at the door. Another jump from Cady. It hurt Janis' good foot to kick the door, but she didn't need Damian right now. He just wasn't helping. He couldn't understand.

"Janis, please. Open the door, it's just me and Caddy. No one else. I'm sorry this had to happen. You're okay. It's all gonna be okay." A third kick, this one harder than the first two, accompanied by a loud sob. The door shook vigorously at the force of Janis' foot. 

"Okay...you don't want me. Fine. Fine, yeah, reject your best friend." Damian knew he shouldn't have said that as soon as the words came out. 

Janis felt significantly worse now, kicking the door frantically and repeatedly. She just wanted him to leave, but she couldn't explain why. "See, sometimes she just..." Damian sighs. "It's hard to deal with her sometimes. She goes through these moods and it's complicated." 

"Can...I try to talk to her?" Cady asked hesitantly. Damian scoffed at the idea. "Hon, you can try, but if I can't get anywhere, I don't know..." Before he could finish, Cady had already knelt beside the closet. "Janis, hey. It's Cady." Cady's voice quivered a little, bracing for a reaction. But there was none. Damian looked shocked as he stepped back to where Cady had been sitting before.

At the sound of Cady's voice, Janis froze. That buttery lilt of her tone combined with the noticeable quiver of fear melted her inside. 

Cady softened her voice, imitating how her mom would speak to her and the young children in Africa whenever they had been picked on. "Hey, Jan, listen. I'm sorry. I should've done something. I care about you, really. That stuff she said about me being your girlfriend...I don't know. It made me feel something. I'm bi, you know that, and it just...I...um, never mind. I'm supposed to be making you feel better." 

Cady choked on her words. "You're alright, I promise, you know it's not true. I love you, okay? I do, a lot, and I just want you to be okay." 

Janis stopped crying as she listened to Cady. Something about Cady struck her in a way Damian has never made her feel before. She couldn't explain it. It was weird. Strange. New. And she abhorred it. 

Item number 3 on the list of feelings Janis hates: the feeling of newness. Change in general scared her. She didn't know what she wanted. She had no experience with this. She desperately wanted to know what she was feeling and how to deal with it. 

Janis reached up and unlocked the door quietly, opening it just enough so Cady could fit in. She pulled Cady in before shutting it and locking it behind her. "Janis, what are you-?" 

Janis went off on a panic-filled tangent, running her words together and nearly hyperventilating. "I don't know anymore. I don't know anything. I can't process anything. It's all new and insane and overwhelming. It's all happening too fast and I just can't-"

And that's when Cady brought their lips together. The auburn's lips were warm and soothing against the brunette-rooted girl's, which were cold and trembling with anxiety. Neither wanted to pull away. Cady felt restored, calmed and happy, while Janis was far too shaken to move. But, at the same time, Janis loved every second of it.  If this was a cheesy rom-com, Janis would say that all her pain melted away on the spot. But underneath the whirlwind of emotions was still Janis Sarkisian, and she wouldn't lie to herself like that. The pain was still very present, only dulling slightly as the kiss lingered. The rush of endorphins she felt was absolutely breathtaking, which distracted her slightly. Her heart never wanted it to end.

But her wits did, forcing her to pull away sharply. This felt wrong. She wasn't a lesbian, was she? She didn't know. The kiss had made her even more confused. "Cady, I..." Janis sighed deeply, burying her head in her knees. "I'm sorry, I just don't know. I'm so confused, I'm a mess," Janis murmured.

"But you're my mess." Cady pulled her shaking friend towards her, lifting Janis' head and placing it on her shoulder. Flakes of paint fell off onto Cady's shirt, but she didn't bother brushing them off. Janis sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. Cady reached up onto a shelf, grabbed a tissue box, pulled a tissue out, and handed it to Janis. Janis blew into it roughly, feeling something shaking on her back when she did. She tried and failed to reach it, causing Cady to pull it off for her. 

It was a piece of paper taped to her back, reading "space dyke" in big, bold letters. "Oh, Jan..." 

Janis said nothing at first, yanking the paper out of Cady's hands, so hard and so swift that her fingers started to tingle. A few tears stained the paper as Janis crumpled it into a ball and started ripping it up angrily. 

"I...can't...take...this...shit...any...more," she grunted, each syllable spoken as she ripped up a piece. She threw the pieces onto the floor and kicked the door again in frustration. This time, she yelped loudly. Wrong foot. 

She buried her head in Cady's shoulder, clinging onto her for comfort as she moaned. "Cady, it hurts!" Damian picked his head up immediately from outside the closet. "Hey, is everything okay in there?" 

"Yeah, fine, she's just a little hurt," Cady yelled, trying to speak over Janis' pained wailing. Damian walked over to the closet, knocking quickly. Cady didn't even bother consulting Janis, unlocking and opening the door for Damian as he knelt in front of the closet. "Jan, what happened?"

"I fell...on my ankle." Janis responded weakly, rolling her foot in circles as she rubbed it. 

"Aw, hon, I'll get you some ice from the nurse." Damian spoke lovingly to her, rubbing her shoulder as he stood up and walked out.

"Hurry back, lunch is almost over," Cady warned. Janis shook her head against Cady's shoulder. "I can't go to class...I'm crippled." 

Cady chuckled. A little bit of happy Janis was coming back. "Cady, being crippled is a serious matter," Janis admonished in a completely sarcastic tone. 

"You wanna go to the nurse?" Cady asked through giggles. 

Janis loved Cady's laugh. So light and gorgeous, unlike hers. Everything she did seemed graceful and perfect. She admired that about Cady. She wished it could be true for herself. 

"Jan?" Cady snapped her back into reality. She'd spaced out again, too entranced by the auburn's sheer beauty, and now she'd completely forgotten what the question was. She nodded absentmindedly, still giggling a little at her joke. It wasn't great, but it made Cady laugh, and that was all that mattered.

"There's the Janis I know and love," Cady said, smiling. "I've missed her today." 

"Me fucking too," Janis said, the pain in her foot starting to subside. 

"Hey, you think you can walk to the nurse?" Cady asked, a little relieved.

"We'll just have to see, won't we?" Janis said as Cady stood up. "Need help?" Cady asked, reaching out a hand for the injured girl. Janis took her hand and wrapped her arm around Cady's shoulder as she stood up. "This better just be for balance and not some smooth flirting thing," Cady joked. Janis' face turned serious for a second, a little hurt. "Oh, sorry. Bad timing." Cady said blankly, a bit dejected. 

"No, no, it's just...I have a lot of existential crises. It's a thing. I never know what I am, and it scares me sometimes. What's my purpose, what are my goals...hell, I can't even figure out who I want to love. I've been told I'm a lesbian so many times that it's starting to grow on me."

Cady felt especially mortified now, feeling remorse for having kissed her on the spot. "I'm sorry about the kiss, I just panicked." 

"No, that was fine. Brilliant, even. I needed to shut the fuck up anyway. But I still don't know what to feel. I like girls, I do. I don't get the same satisfaction with boys. But I just can't handle Regina being right. I want to like boys just to prove her wrong." 

"No, Janis. You can't just pretend to like someone. If you like girls, you like girls. Damian and I are chill about it. You can't force yourself to feel things you can't feel."

"God, I really think I am gay. Regina is right." The words felt like fire spilling out of her mouth, singeing her throat. "Cady, what do I do?"

"Well, right now you let me take you to the nurse, okay? And then we'll see later." Janis nodded, walking shakily and making sure to put weight on her good foot first. She hung onto Cady for dear life, hoping and praying that no one would see. "You're good, I've got you, you're fine," Cady said calmly. 

Janis winced in pain as she put weight on her bad foot. "We're almost there, it's this next door." Janis half walked, half hopped into the nurse's office, carefully lying herself down on the bed with some help from Cady when she got there. 

The nurse had stepped out for a minute, but Damian was already there waiting for them, handing Janis the ice pack. Janis put it on her ankle, making it feel better almost instantly. She shivered a little before relaxing. Cady sat on a chair next to the bed, putting a hand on the ice pack to keep it in place. It was freezing on her hand, but she did her best to ignore it for Janis' sake.

"How're you feeling, Jan?" Damian asked. 

"Like a cold, throbbing piece of shit," Janis responded, completely straight faced.

"Sorry, hon. You'll be okay though." The nurse came back in a few minutes later, examining Janis' ankle. "Not broken, not sprained, just a little out of place is all. I'm gonna have to pop it back in. This may hurt a little." 

Janis reached her hand out immediately for both Damian and Cady, who sandwiched their hands around hers. 

"Ready?" Janis nodded, shutting her eyes tightly as the nurse popped her ankle back into place. The initial movement was excruciatingly painful, but once it was back in, her ankle felt almost completely normal. 

The nurse wrapped bandages around it and put the ice pack back on it right as the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. "Alright, your little visitors have got to go to class now," the nurse said, giving Damian and Cady a look that basically said "get the hell out of this office". They stood up immediately, saying goodbye for now to Janis as they quickly headed off to class. 

The nurse turned back to Janis. "Do you want me to call your mom?" Janis shook her head. All she really wanted to do right now was just lay there and process. "Alright then, let me know if you need anything." The nurse went into the next room to see another student. 

Janis turned on her side, alone with her thoughts (which was never a good thing). Cady Heron had kissed her first. And it was exhilaratingly confusing. She didn't know what the future would hold, and she was petrified. 

She shut her eyes, replaying the scene in her mind over and over, reliving all the feelings she'd felt and taking the valuable time to attempt to process them. The newness of it all, combined with proving Regina's point, scared her more than anything else. She thought about it long and hard before her mind couldn't take it anymore and decided to shut itself off, allowing her to take a half-assed nap on the stiff bed.


	2. I Feel Like I’ve Just Barfed Up A Novel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is also from a while ago, the chapters will get more current as I go! 
> 
> TW: references to bullying, self harm, and anxiety attacks/meds/near overdoses

Janis and Cady sat in the art room after school, Cady propping herself up elegantly on a wobbly stool and trying her absolute best to remain as still as possible, and Janis in a deep state of concentration, eyeing up her masterpiece. It was only in its beginning stages, but it was already more than beautiful in Janis' eyes. Sure, offering to paint Cady by claiming she needed a new muse was a lame excuse to analyze Cady's chiseled features, but it was something. She was honestly surprised that Cady had bought it. But then again, she wasn't. Being the new kid from Africa gave her a massive disadvantage when it came to socialization with her peers. She had no idea about the concepts of sarcasm or fake excuses; knowledge, or lack thereof, which Janis had maybe...sort of...definitely exploited for her own personal gain. It gave her a reason to stare intensely at every little detail in the face and body of Cady Heron without being seen as a creep. 

Her overall curvature, slender, but not too much so, the dainty posture she held atop the stool, the sun-kissed freckles that sporadically dotted her face, and, most importantly, the eyes that could make Janis melt into a puddle right then and there. She could have finished the entire painting in just under an hour. Instead, she worked slowly on purpose, still barely finished with the painted outline after almost two full hours. She needed all the time she could get with Cady. Being this intimate with her was a rarity, and she cherished every second. 

"Janis, can we take a break? I've been sitting straight up on this hard stool forever, my back is starting to hurt," Cady complained in the nicest way possible, snapping Janis out of the trance she'd entered, both from painting and staring at Cady.

"Um, yeah, sure," Janis muttered. "You can come look at it so far if you want, I'm starting to fill stuff in." 

Cady immediately slouched, relaxing her muscles. "You're sure I won't ruin it if I get up?"

Janis shook her head. "No, no, you're fine. Worst case scenario, I'd have to start all over again, but that's unlikely. I've got pretty much everything laid out," she sighed. She was kind of hoping she'd have to start over, but that would just be rude to keep Cady for that long while she redid it. Cady got up off the stool, stretching her back out for a minute before walking over to be next to Janis. Janis felt a sort of tingle as they got closer. 

"Wow, Jan, this is amazing! You're so talented!" Janis blushed a little, smiling as she dismissed the compliment. "No, I'm not really...there are people way better than me." 

"Jan, you're so good! Art therapy must have really worked for you!" Cady smiled, innocence beaming through her eyes. The compliment seemed completely out of the blue, but that was how Cady was. She tended to just blurt things out like that, not knowing any better.

Janis' face fell sharply. "What do you mean?!Who told you...?" 

Cady's innocence dulled slightly as she spoke. "I was over at Regina's house with Gretch and Karen, and I asked what happened to make you not like her, and she just started talking about 8th grade and that you overreacted about not being invited to some pool party because she could only have, like, six people." Cady spoke bluntly, telling it like it was, perhaps a bit too much.

Janis' eyes filled with fire at the utter lies Cady was spewing. God, she was so gullible. So adorably gullible. "Caddy, listen, you can't just believe everything you hear. Sometimes there's more to the story than meets the eye." Janis' tone was unintentionally cold, filled with rage. Sure, she didn't know Cady that well, but neither did Regina. How could she trust Regina more than she trusted her? 

"No offense, but I don't see what the big deal is. It was just a party. It wasn't her fault." Cady was startled by Janis' tone, but maintained her innocence. 

Janis raised her voice. "I can't believe you're defending her! That scum-sucking fart-mouthed life ruiner!" Janis had never meant to lash out like she did, but yet, here they were. She was so enraged, she felt like she could punch someone. 

"Well, what really happened then?" Cady asked, her curiosity peaked.

"Nothing you need to know right now." And with that, she abruptly packed up her paints and the canvas and stormed out. "We're done here for today, I've gotta go home," she spat, biting her lip to fight back the tears she could feel stinging the corners of her eyes. The door slammed hard behind her, leaving a newly angry Cady alone in the art room.  
————————————————————————  
Cady knew Janis would be too stubborn and upset to talk to her the next day. Janis was infuriatingly secretive, keeping her feelings locked up inside of her for God knows how long and refusing to let them out until she couldn't hold them in anymore. She hated the idea of Janis breaking down, so for the next several days, she tried to get the truth out through Damian. Janis trusted Damian, and Damian wouldn't lie to her. 

Damian felt bad for Cady. He wanted to tell her everything, so he tried a few times, but each time, Janis would punch his arm or shush him frantically. Cady tried to talk to Damian alone, but he wouldn't budge. 

"Sorry, sweets, I've been sworn to secrecy. Janis'll murder us both if she finds out I told you without her there." 

"You're scared of Janis?"

"No!" His tone went suddenly defensive before softening. "Caddy, listen, a lot of shit happened that year, and I really wish I could tell you, believe me, I do, but I know exactly what's gonna happen. You'll feel all bad and go and try to comfort her, she'll know you found out, she'll know I told you, and it'll break her. I hate seeing her upset just as much as you, if not more, and I'm just trying to prevent something bad." 

Cady nodded, disappointed but understanding. He was right. She knew he was right. But curiosity overwhelmed her. Later that day, she tried asking other kids, but they were of little help. She ran herself ragged trying to figure out just what the hell happened in 8th grade. It wasn't for her sake, it was for Janis'. She was starting to feel like Janis didn't trust her enough. She had been a student at North Shore for the past several months, and though she was still posing as a Plastic, she wanted Janis' trust with her problems. 

All she had wanted was to know why Janis gets pale and quiet whenever someone calls her a "space dyke" (whatever that meant), why kids spit on her and push her over in the halls and threaten to hurt her, why Cady once saw Damian break the lock on someone's locker that Janis had been shoved in, why girls waited five minutes for another open stall in the bathrooms when there was one open right next to where Janis was, why Damian says she has "episodes" in the middle of the night, coming to school the next day with a dead, still frantic look in her eyes, why Cady could see pronounced scars on Janis' legs and arms no matter how much she wore to try and cover them up, why she wore these long, thick clothes anyway even when it was 80 degrees out, refusing to take them off even when she was drenched in sweat and clammy and near passing out, why she sometimes comes to Cady's house feeling delirious, loopy, ethereal, and _not Janis_ , hopped up on medications to make her seem like herself when she's really some other person that isn't the Janis that Cady knows and loves. She cared about Janis deeply, and it hurt her to the core that Janis didn't seem to care enough back.   
————————————————————————  
Cady found Janis in the art room after school that day. She looked dead as usual, clearly sleep deprived, her eyes red, puffy, and half open. She had obviously been crying.

"Jan, we gotta talk."

"What is there to talk about?! I'm not telling you about 8th grade! There's no way in hell you'll get it out of me!" Tears coursed down her reddened cheeks despite her attempts to hold them back.

"Really, you'll feel better if you talk about it. It's not good to keep this kind of stuff in."

Janis stayed silent for a minute. Cady was right, but Janis was too stubborn to admit it. Why she couldn't just spit it out and get it over with, she didn't know. 

"Janis, I'm starting to think you don't trust me. We've known each other for a while now and this seems pretty important to you, and I-"

Janis cuts her off. "Caddy...that's a complicated fucking statement you just made there. The whole school likes to think they know everything about 8th grade, but they don't. All the shit they know comes from what Regina's told them, that's what I'm sure you've heard. You're all blind, and I'd like it to stay that way. Regina's created her own sick, twisted version of the story that makes her seem like the hero and everyone believes it. She's completely forgotten the truth somehow, playing it off like it's no big deal, like I'm the one who was in the wrong, that I caused this whole scene over a fucking pool party, that I should've just kept my mouth shut because I'm..." She paused for a second to catch her breath, which was lacking, blinking hard to fight back the tears that she could feel were starting to form. "Nobody knows the full truth except for Damian. If I tell you what you want to know so desperately, it'll change everything."

"Janis, you don't have to tell me absolutely everything if you don't want to."

"No, see, there's the problem. There is no such thing as half the story. Either you know Regina's version, which isn't even a fraction of the story, or you know the full truth."

"Just start at the very beginning and work your way up to wherever you want to go. You're brave, Janis. I care about you, and I hate seeing you this upset."

Janis tried to speak again. She tried to say something, anything. But Cady just looked so ready to catch her and pick up the pieces if and when she fell hard that she went numb. Her mind wouldn't let her speak again until she sank helplessly against the wall and buried her head in her knees, crisp, salty tears pooling in her eyes and absorbing into her lacy black tights. She didn't deserve Cady, she knew she didn't. But somehow Cady stayed with her, rubbing her back and whispering soothing nothings to her until she calmed down, waiting patiently until Janis was ready. 

After a few minutes, Janis' mouth went dry and she couldn't muster up the energy to sob anymore, so she stopped. 

"You ready to talk now?" Cady asked gently, taking Janis' fingertips and squeezing them lightly. Her hand was warm and soft and comforting, so much so that Janis almost broke down again. She waited a minute, her breaths quivering, before she began her story.

"Before eighth grade, Regina and I were best friends. We spent all our time together, we carpooled to school, had sleepovers, like, every weekend, sometimes twice in one week. And then eight grade started. Regina got her first boyfriend, this guy Kyle, that she met at some dance, and then everything became about him. Whenever we'd hang out he was all she talked about, and then after a little while she'd start blowing me off to spend time with him, and I'd try and ask her why, and she'd keep saying that I'm obsessed with her and that I'm jealous and shit, and I guess that obsession turned into something else. Then she was having an all-girls pool party, and I thought that we could finally reconnect since Kyle wouldn't be there, but then when I went to ask her if I was invited, she just said..." Janis' voice cut out for a second, tears reappearing in her eyes. Cady said nothing, waiting patiently for Janis to continue.

"She said that she couldn't invite me because she thought I was a lesbian, and that I had some kind of lesbian crush on her, and she tried to out me in front of the whole school, and then I said something dumb on impulse about being a space alien with 4 butts, and then I went to my locker at the end of the day and someone had scratched 'space dyke' into it with a key. From there, it all went downhill. Everyone became all paranoid that I was gonna make out with them and fuck them, and they stopped using the girls' bathroom whenever I was in there, and people would spit on me and beat me up and shove me in lockers, and one time they forced me to kiss some girl on a dare. They made fun of me for eating when aliens don't eat and for what I looked like because I stopped caring about my appearance. From there I couldn't take it anymore so I started cutting and then people started noticing and that's when my anxiety got really bad and I started losing sleep and having panic attacks almost every night, and one day I had one in public with my mom and she made me tell her what was going on. She just lost it at Regina's mom, and then Regina started all these other awful rumors about me and made herself seem innocent and everyone believed her except Damian, and it just got so bad that I started messing with my anxiety meds and luckily my parents found out before something bad happened. They pulled me out of school for the rest of the year, I started therapy, and that's where I got interested in art, and my anxiety calmed down some until my parents made me go back here because they couldn't afford a homeschool program. Regina has been making it her life's mission to ruin me ever since, and now you're here, and I'm breaking down in front of you, and now you know everything."

Cady sat next to Janis in absolute silence for a minute, both to make sure she was done and to fully wrap her head around the entire ordeal. Janis was panting excessively, out of breath from talking and anxious from remembering those events. 

Cady wrapped her arms around Janis' shaking body as she collapsed into her, tears pouring down her cheeks as she struggled to breathe. "Jan, breathe, please, you're okay. You're very brave, I'm so sorry. Just breathe, deep breaths, in and out. I'm so proud of you." 

Janis rested her head on Cady's chest, comforted by the coolness of Cady's skin. The more deep breaths she took, the more she settled against her.

"I feel like I'm gonna pass out," Janis muttered. Her head felt like it was floating two stories above her as she trembled like a chihuahua against Cady. She shut her eyes for a minute as Cady stroked her soft, thick hair.

"Can I get you some water?" Cady asked. Janis nodded slightly, pulling away reluctantly from her soothing body. Cady pulled Janis' water bottle out of her backpack and gave it to her as Janis leaned her head against the wall behind her. "Need anything else?"

"Can you just...stay here with me a little longer? That took a lot out of me. I feel like I've just barfed up a novel. I don't wanna be alone." She took a sip out of the cold aluminum bottle, the water cooling her throat as she swallowed it roughly. 

Pure astonishment filled Cady's eyes. Never in a million years would she ever think she'd hear Janis say she didn't want to be alone. "Yeah, sure." Cady settled back down against the wall and let Janis lay against her, wiping any stray tears away and brushing her two-toned hair out of her face. 

"I'm sorry I snapped at you before," Janis whispered hoarsely.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have tried to pressure you," Cady replied. "It took a lot of courage for you to tell me all that." Janis smiled weakly, looking up at Cady through reddened eyes. "I'm glad you trust me," Cady whispered.

"I'm glad I can.”


	3. Let’s Make Our Own Kind Of Movie Magic

"So, what're you feeling?" Cady asked Janis as they stare up at the colorful marquee displaying several movie titles. 

"Hm, I don't know, _A Quiet Place_ sounds like it'll be a thrill ride." Janis chuckled to herself before noticing that Cady isn't chuckling back, instead staring at the popcorn kernel-covered rug.

"Cads, you okay?" Janis asked, taking her hand.

"Yeah, yeah. Fine. Sounds good." Cady played the Janis card, hoping she wouldn't be able to see right through it. Cady never liked horror movies, but Janis and Damian always made her watch them with them, not realizing how much it scared her. Cady was far too nice to say anything, so she suffered in silence, covering her eyes whenever they weren't looking. 

Janis tugged playfully on Cady's limp arm. "Come on, Cads, it's a horror thriller, our favorite! And Damian's at play practice, so for once it can be the two of us alone! You've always said you need more time with me." Janis pressed a kiss to Cady's knuckles, which were starting to turn white as she gripped Janis' hand. Cady tried to say something, to try to divert her away, but Janis had that kid-in-a-candy-store look on her face and an excited gleam in her soft brown eyes, something Cady hadn't seen since they met. Janis was right, this was valuable time she had with her, and she wasn't going to let a little, albeit terrifying, movie ruin it for her. So she unclenched Janis' hand and walked up hesitantly to the ticket person. "Two tickets to A Quiet Place please," she said through a forced smile. The ticket person handed them the stubs as Cady placed money on the counter. 

"Cads, you're the best, have I ever told you that?" Janis exclaimed, a gleeful lilt in her voice. "This is gonna be epic!"

"Mm hm," Cady nodded, still forcing a smile. 

Janis was oblivious to the fake excitement in her voice, too enthralled in her own joy. "Now, step 2, we buy a bunch of food and chow down!" Janis yelped, practically dragging Cady to the snack stand. 

"I'll pay for this stuff, I need to not feel like a shitty person who lets their date pay for everything." Janis shoved a hand over her mouth as soon as the words came out. 

"So this is a date, huh? What happened to 'Oh we're just going platonically even though everyone's seen me make out with you before?'"

"Eh, neither of us really believed that, now, did we?" Janis giggled a little, her pale cheeks turning a faint pinkish color. 

"Hey, can you two lesbos shut up and order already? You're holding up the line!" some older guy behind them barked. They had somehow made it to the front of the line without even realizing, and when they faced forward they could see the people behind the counter glaring at them impatiently. "Oh, agh, I'm sorry, um, I'll get a large popcorn, and, um...some Red Vines...no wait, Twizzlers, who buys Red Vines? No, I shouldn't say that, people like Red Vines. Anyway, uh, can I also get a thing of Sour Patch Kids and a Coke? God, I feel like an asshole, why do I talk?! Shit, I said that out loud, didn't I? Ugh, I'm sorry, what do you want?" Janis turned to Cady with her head in her hands and her cheeks redder than before, unsuccessfully disguising her prominent social anxiety and general inability to formulate a sentence. She took deep breaths as Cady placed her order, flinging her contribution of $30 onto the counter in silence before she said something else dumb and made a bigger fool of herself. The cashier took the money and placed their food onto the counter quickly, clearly fed up with them both. 

Cady awkwardly balanced her food on her arm, took Janis' somehow empty hand, and pulled her off to the side away from the crowds to make sure she was okay. She was still red in the face and her chest heaved shakily with anxiety. "Jan, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" 

Janis cut her off immediately. "No, Caddy, it's fine. I'm fine, really, I just panicked. I'm just an idiot, no big whoop. Let's just go in and have fun and and forget about that and never ever talk about it again, okay? Please?" Janis replied, her focus wandering from Cady's concerned crystal blue eyes to the floor and back, willing herself to forget how much of an idiot she knew people saw her as, how much everyone was clearly judging her as they stared, and how uncontrollably awful she was at simple social interaction.

"Okay..." Cady's voice trails, both from fear of the movie and worry for Janis. Janis managed to clear her mind as they walked towards the theater, staying as physically close to Cady as possible like a child not wanting to be separated from their mother. Cady squeezed Janis' hand tightly as they entered the dark theater and started climbing up the rows of stairs, trying their best not to block anyone's view of the running previews. They found their seats on the end of the row and unloaded all their stuff. "Pretty good seats, huh?" Janis whispered. 

"Yeah, totally." Cady nervously crammed a small handful of popcorn into her mouth, trying to calm herself down in her head. Of course, the seemingly endless previews for other horror movies didn't help at all. Cady clutched onto the darkened figure of Janis, comforted by the flowery smell of her hair and the feel of the patches she'd sewn onto her jacket. Janis held onto her tightly. "Ha, this is really creeping you out, huh? Makes it fun." 

Within ten minutes of the movie starting, Cady was already on edge. Janis stroked Cady's hair as she whimpered at the sudden jumpscares, unaware something was really wrong until she felt droplets of cold wetness soak through her jacket. She took Cady's chin and pulled her close to her lips, whispering as quietly as she could to not annoy anyone else. "Oh, Caddy, I'm sorry if this is too intense for you. I didn't realize. I'm sorry. You wanna go home?"

Cady shook her head, also bringing her voice down. "You're happy, and we already paid a lot of money for this. It's not that bad."

Janis ignored the people behind them shushing them. "Caddy, you don't have to spare my feelings. We can go."

"No, no. It's just a movie. I'll be okay."

"You sure?" Janis looked into her eyes sincerely. 

Cady nodded quickly. "Alright, you'll be okay. And I'm right here, Cads. I'll protect you. I love you." Janis kissed Cady's auburn roots lightly, holding her as closely as she could, despite the hard armrest wedged between them. Janis motioned for Cady in silence. Cady obeyed quickly, ducking her head down and clambering awkwardly onto the taller girl's lap, resting her head on her shoulder. 

Janis rubbed Cady's back as she nestled further into her, still trying her best to actually watch the movie and make the $50 they paid for the tickets and food worth it so that Cady wouldn't feel worse than she already did. 

Janis told Cady every time that there wasn't a scary scene that it was safe to look up, and covered her eyes hugging her right when the scary parts came back. Cady was able to actually watch about 20 minutes of the movie without being too scared, which, for her, was an accomplishment. Eventually, Cady spent the entire time huddled in Janis' chest, refusing to even try to look back up until the credits started rolling.

"Is it over?" Cady murmured into Janis' jacket as the lights came on in the theater. "Yeah, you made it. I'm sorry, I thought you'd like the movie. You always watch horror movies with me and Damian and you seem fine."

Cady picked her head up and wiped her cheeks, staring into her date's dark, loving eyes. "I'm sorry, I guess I should've told you from the start that horror movies aren't really my thing."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that out. Now you're traumatized and it's my fault." 

"Aw, Jan, it's okay. I'm okay. You didn't know. It's just a movie. I didn't really watch a lot of it anyway," Cady whispered reassuringly. She was telling the truth this time.

"This date would've gone a lot better if we'd just skipped the movie and made out in the bathroom or something," Janis sighed, her tone filled with regret.

"You say that like it isn't still an option," Cady giggled.

"You'd really be up to that now?" Janis asked.

"Yeah, definitely. Anything to get my mind off of the past 90 minutes of trauma. How do they make that stuff look so real?"

"Movie magic, I guess."

"Well then, let's make our own kind of movie magic." Cady got off of Janis' lap and led her off to the bathroom, where they shut themselves in a stall, kissed each other until their lips went numb, and never spoke of anything else that had happened that day ever again.


	4. You Have My Permission To Slap Me Awake

The day started out seemingly normal, Janis and Cady hiding under the darkness of the metal bleachers outside of school, their typical spot for when they didn't feel like going to class, or when they just felt the urge to kiss each other forever without the accompanying judgmental glares of their peers. Today, it was both. Both girls felt like they were in heaven, alone at last, resisting the urge to go any further in case Coach Carr caught them. While the spot wasn't quite fully hidden, it was good enough for them. Their warm lips touched for what felt like hours until Cady suddenly pulled away, staring off into space. 

"Hey, Caddy, why'd you stop?" Janis asked as Cady moved further away from her. She got up from under the bleachers, leaving Janis there, confused and lustful, until she heard hacking coughs. She sprung up immediately and ran to Cady's side. Cady stumbled as she coughed hard, her throat constricting and her skin going whiter than paper except for a pale blue lining her lips. Janis put a hand on her shoulder. "Cads, what's happening?!" 

But Cady couldn't respond. She doubled over, gagging suddenly. Janis pounded her back, shaken up with fear. Cady's eyes rolled back in her head and she hit the ground hard. A growing puddle of blood lay beside Cady's head. Janis nearly gagged at the sight of the blood, but her focus quickly returned to Cady as she shook her frantically. "Caddy, hey, wake up! Wake up! Oh my god, Caddy please wake up!" 

Janis felt up and down Cady's wrist, checking rapidly for a pulse. There was none. She went to pull out her phone from her jacket pocket where she always kept it, but it was mysteriously gone. "I'll be right back! Don't die on me, please!" She pressed a quick kiss to Cady's knuckles before she sprinted to the entrance of the school, tugging on the doors, but they wouldn't budge. Why wouldn't they open? They never lock the doors during school hours. She tugged harder and harder until the doors disappeared in a void of blackness. 

Janis ran back to Cady, who was now completely motionless on the ground. Kneeling beside her, she began to attempt CPR. She'd never done this before, and by now she was panicking. There was no way she was doing it right. Cady jerked awake, sitting up for all of a couple seconds. "Janis...I love you," she gagged out before coughing up something awful-looking into her palm and collapsing back down, the ground practically swallowing her. Janis grabbed her girlfriend's hand before she disappeared, and she was pulled in, too.

Suddenly, all she could see was blackness. No Cady, no anything. She couldn't even see herself. She was still falling into nowhere, a bottomless pit. Everything and everyone she'd known was gone. Everything was numb, she felt like she was drowning even though there was no water. 

And then she was in her bed, sitting up straighter than a ruler and screaming at the top of her lungs with Cady by her side, pulling away from her shoulder. She looked around the room dazedly as Cady turned the lamp on on the nightstand. 

"Shh, Jan, baby, calm down." Cady placed a hand on Janis' shoulder, which was rising and falling sharply with panic. Janis sobbed loudly as she collapsed into Cady, who wrapped her arms around her shaking body and rubbed her arm in an attempt to get her to stop screaming. "You're okay, you're safe here. Did you have a nightmare or something?"

Janis nodded quickly, her screams fading and turning into hyperventilated, breathless sobs. Cady held her close, hoping her presence was serving some sort of purpose. After several minutes of sobbing, Janis calmed down some, holding onto Cady so tight that Cady's arm started to go numb. 

"You wanna talk about your nightmare?" Cady whispered. 

"We were making out under the bleachers and then you started coughing a lot and I couldn't help you and you just died and the ground ate you," Janis managed to mumble between quiet sobs. "I'm sorry if I scared you. This happens a lot." She took a deep breath and her sobs faded slowly.

When Cady was sure Janis had calmed down, she spoke again. "Scared is an understatement. You were full on screaming and kicking so hard that you knocked the blankets off the bed, and you kept saying 'Caddy, Caddy, don't leave me' in your sleep and that woke me up."

"I'm glad you were here though. I don't know what I would've done if you weren't."

"Probably fallen out of bed."

Janis chuckled a little. "What time is it?"

"Oh, only 4am," Cady said, groggily and sarcastically. 

"Hey, a new record! I barely make it past 3 most times. I guess you going on vacation back to Africa really messed with me."

"I'm back now, aren't I? So it's okay. You don't have to worry about me choking to death and getting eaten by the ground anytime soon."

"I love you, jungle freak."

"I love you, art freak." She kissed Janis' lips softly. "You think you can go back to sleep now?"

"Maybe, but if I start crying out in my sleep again, you have my permission to slap me awake."

"Thanks for that, I feel so privileged." She got up and turned the lamp off. "Goodnight, crazy. Try and sleep well, okay? No more outbursts."

"I'll try my hardest. Goodnight."


	5. I May Be In An Asylum, But I’m Not Crazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for graphic talk of needles, self-harm references, and portrayal of asylums

Janis opened her eyes, an unusually bright white ceiling staring back at her, a single, fluorescent lamp hanging directly in the center. As she looked around groggily, her eyes fluttering open and shut, she slowly began to make out the details of her surroundings. Padded walls, as blindingly white as the ceiling. Emptiness, all except for an opaquely white, shut door and a second, open, narrow doorway leading to a toilet and sink. No food, no water. She could hear a faint ringing in her ears as she had fully woken up. This _definitely_ wasn't her room. How could this have happened? She must have blacked out. But how? When? Why? Too many questions, her mind was failing to wrap itself around her situation. She didn't know how she got there, but all she knew was that the shut door was the way out and she needed to get out of this weird ass place as soon as possible. 

Janis tried to sit up, struggling and flailing before feeling a thick, heavily buckled strap that was wrapped around her stomach, another around her ankles, tying them together, and one around each arm, all pinned against the bed.

"Hey! Let me out! Let me go!" Janis felt restrained, a feeling she loathed. Desperately, she tried to kick and scream as loud as she could, hoping she could either free herself or get someone to break her free. "Where the hell am I?!" she yelled. The ringing grew louder in her ears and her breaths were getting heavier and faster, the strap around her stomach tightening as her chest heaved. "I want out!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, her voice squealing and squeaking. Her screams were soon followed by a loud buzz as the lock on the door turned and the door cracked open slightly. A young, blonde woman, looking like a nurse, stepped in, her back turned to Janis as she shut the door. 

"Miss Janis Sarkisian?" A strangely familiar voice asked. No, it couldn't be. The blonde curls that rolled down her back bounced as she turned, in a way that Janis remembered distinctly.

_"No, Janis, you're literally going crazy, it can't be,"_ she thought. But the cadence of the woman's voice broke the ringing in her ears. Janis thrashed harder. 

"Hey, calm down!" the nurse yelled, turning around to face Janis. The second their eyes met, Janis knew instantly. She immediately stopped moving as a look of shock spread across her face. "Regina? Regina George?" 

"How did you know my name?" Regina drawled innocently, startled.

"It's me, Janis Sarkisian. Doesn't it say so on your chart?" How could she not remember who Janis was? The pain she'd caused her for five whole years? 

"Yes, you are, congratulations, you remember your own name. That's a lot farther than most patients here get." 

"Patients? Where am I?"

"North Shore Mental Asylum. Someone who wishes to remain anonymous checked you in here. History of severe panic attacks, mental and emotional collapse, severe self-harm, showing signs of hurting yourself and others. You're gonna be in here for a while. And, before you ask, psych ward isn't gonna do enough for your case." 

"No, no no no, wait, I remember, we went to school together before I...ended up here. North Shore High?"

"How did you know that?!" Regina paused briefly. "I think I'd remember someone like you at my school. You seem pretty...unique, to say the least."

"We were best friends! You're telling me you don't remember any of this?!"

Regina pulled out her radio, whispering into it sharply. "Hey, Dr. Hubbard, up the dosage on Sarkisian's meds. She's gonna need them."

"Hubbard? As in Damian Hubbard?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Bring him in here! Please! He'll know me as soon as he sees me!" 

"Um, fine, I guess," Regina said flatly. "Dr. Hubbard, the patient is requesting to see you," she whispered into her radio again.

"I'll be right there," the radio echoed back, the trace of Damian's deep, smooth tone amongst the static bringing tears to Janis' eyes.

"Hey, don't cry, he'll be here in a second to check you out. Chill out, okay?" Regina turned to leave.

"Wait, wait, don't go! You have to remember me! I swear, we were best friends, and then this whole...incident happened in eighth grade, with a space alien and four butts and you not inviting me to a pool party, please, you have to believe me! I may be in a fucking asylum, but I'm not crazy! Please, tell me you remember!" Janis begged Regina, staring into her icy blue eyes that somehow looked a little bit more tender.

"I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about, or how you know all this stuff. I've honestly never seen you before in my life."

Janis had lost control of her mouth by now. "This whole thing, all the stuff you just listed, it's...it's all because of you! You, you did all this, every day you made my life a living hell, so bad that I couldn't take it anymore, and...and..." Janis choked back sobs, but the tears were already flowing down her pale cheeks. "No, no, it's all your fault! It's all your fault!" She was screaming at Regina now, sobbing profusely. She had never intended for Regina, of all people, to see even a single tear slip down her cheek, but now she was getting the full freak show and there was nothing Janis could do about it. 

"Hey, hey, Dr. Hubbard, she's breaking fast! You'd better hurry down here!" Regina frantically yelled into her radio. If Janis' arms weren't restrained, she would have snatched the radio out of Regina's pink nail polish painted fingers and smashed it to bits against the hard tile floor. "Get me out of here! I never want to see you again, bitch!" Janis fidgeted awkwardly underneath the straps, her mouth being the only weapon she could use to attack Regina.

Dr. Hubbard burst through the door, the loud buzz returning momentarily until the door was slammed shut. He carried a large, black medical bag, overflowing with supplies, and he brought in an IV, which was already filled to the brim with medications that Janis had no idea what they were. He knelt beside the restless girl, his presence mysteriously calming her. "Hey, calm down, okay? There, there you go. We're just gonna give you a little something to make you feel a little more relaxed. It'll only pinch a little."

"Wait, Damian, no, please, don't!" Janis wailed desperately. "I can't, I hate that bitch, she can't remember! She has to! I'm not crazy!"

Damian stared at her, his mouth agape. He was confused, and frankly a little frightened, as to how Janis could possibly know his name. Janis looked into his eyes, pleading, and something in him caused him to give up. Seeing this girl in such a frantic state broke him. It was one of the worst parts of being a doctor in an asylum. Especially when they're as young as she was. Seeing someone collapse so quickly, and be so sure that they're right when they're completely not and there was little he could do to convince them otherwise was heartbreaking. 

"Dr. Hubbard, what are you doing? Give her the IV!" Regina waved a hand in front of his face, wondering how he got hired as the head doctor while she was just a measly RN. She had gone from being queen bee in high school, through college and med school, and somehow, now, there was someone above her, someone completely unqualified, and it baffled her. 

"No, no, she doesn't need the IV. That'll only stress her out more."

"She's fucking delirious, Doctor. She thinks you're her best friend."

"Regina, just let me do my job, please." Damian spoke coldly, glaring at Regina while placing a hand on the screaming girl's restrained wrist.

"Should be my job," Regina muttered to herself. 

"Pardon?" Damian snapped.

"Nothing," she grumbled immediately. "The IV is supposed to calm her down."

"Fine. Fine, she's restrained anyway. Set it up. Anything to get you off my case," he muttered, just out of both girls' earshot. 

He turned back to face Janis, who was still frantically sobbing, talking to herself incoherently. "Okay, listen, sweet. You're gonna feel a little pinch, and then you'll be fine. I promise."

Janis weakly reached her hand out for Damian's, desperate for the touch that had always calmed her down before, even if he had no idea who she was.

"You want me to...? Okay, okay." Damian whispered, awkwardly placing his hand in hers. Janis nodded frantically, her head flailing, as it was the only body part that wasn't pinned down. "Gina, you do the IV, since you're so eager."

Regina knelt beside Janis' thin bed, holding a scarily sharp needle that looked to be almost a foot long. It would have terrified anyone, but it especially terrified Janis, who was petrified of any sort of needle or needle-like object. Her skin immediately went as white as the room around her. She shut her eyes tightly as Regina swabbed Janis' wrist.

"Don't tense up, you're screwing up your blood flow." Regina ordered, and Janis half-relaxed. The needle went in sharply, and she screamed, feeling all pain yet no pain at the same time. She couldn't tell if the room was spinning or if she was just moving her head, everything looked exactly the same. The room started fading in and out, the scene switching between it and her living room. Her chest heaved as the white room started to blur and fade into nothingness, leaving only Janis lying awake on her own couch, in her own living room.  
————————————————————————————————————————————————  
She felt like there was a ten pound weight sitting on top of her chest. Her body was shaking and she was panting as she looked around at the now darkened room. She still couldn't will herself to move. Now, she wasn't sure what was reality until she turned her head to the side, seeing Cady and Damian sleeping peacefully, Cady on the other section of the couch, and Damian on the unforgiving shag carpet after graciously volunteering to sleep on the floor so the girls could have the couch to themselves. She had absolutely no idea what time it was, still scared and mostly weirded out by the horrors that her brain had conjured up. Comforted by their presence and not wanting to wake them up since it was probably super late, maybe even early by this point, she turned back over, facing the back of the couch. Though she was shaking violently, she did her best to convince herself that it was just a dream, and shut her eyes again.  
————————————————————————————————————————————————  
Several hours, or maybe minutes later, Janis felt a gentle rub on her back. She had slept restlessly the rest of the night. As she opened her eyes, she could see that it was much brighter out now, and she could just about make out the familiar mane of auburn curls attached to the soothing hand. 

"Hey, Jan, wake up. Damian's making pancakes."

"Caddy..." Janis murmured, her voice unsteady from a mixture of grogginess and lingering fear.

"Aw, babe, what's the matter?" Cady whispered so Damian wouldn't hear. She knows how he gets when Janis is upset, and that's the last thing Cady wants to see this early.

"Last night was...weird." Janis said, sitting up slowly, a little confused that she could now move her body.

"Nightmare?" Cady whispered again, even softer than before. Janis nodded slightly. Not even Damian knew about her nightmares, despite the many sleepovers they'd had together. Janis always tried to play it off like she'd slept well, even when her eye-bags were so large they couldn't fit as airplane carryons. The only reason Cady knew about them was because Janis had screamed until her vocal cords snapped one night when she was sleeping over at Cady's, and Cady basically forced her to confess.

"What about?" Cady asked. 

"It was really fucking weird, I ended up in one of those padded rooms like in the movies and I couldn't move and Regina was my nurse and Damian was my doctor and neither of them knew who I was and they gave me this giant shot that freaked me out and then I woke up," Janis summarized as quietly as possible.

"Aw, Jan, don't worry. It was only a dream, I promise, you're not that crazy," Cady giggled a little, taking Janis' hand in hers and pressing little tender kisses to her knuckles.

"You think I'm crazy, you should see yourself the day before a Mathletes competition," Janis snapped back jokingly, stroking Cady's hair and pulling her in for a kiss.

Their lips crashed together peacefully, professionally, as they'd done this what felt like a million times before, and any inkling of the nightmare in Janis' mind disappeared. Cady climbed onto Janis' lap and entangled her hands in Janis' dark-rooted hair.

"Hey, lovebirds! Stop eating each other and eat some pancakes!" Damian yelled from the kitchen. 

"I can't help it if the only thing I'm crazy about is my girlfriend!" Janis yelled back, knowing Damian wouldn't get it but still saying it anyway

"That doesn't even make any sense! Now get your gay asses out here and eat some pancakes before I shove them down your throats! God, I do EVERYTHING around here, you'd think I'd get a little appreciation, but noooo!" Damian exclaimed in his usual theatrical way, performing like what he was saying was a monologue. 

Cady clambered off of Janis' lap as the two took their seats next to each other at the table. Both girls ate ravenously so they could pick up where they left off sooner rather than later, slamming their forks down at exactly the same time. Damian stared at them in shock. "It took me 20 minutes to make those, and you both just finished them in 20 seconds!" Cady and Janis both rolled their eyes, giggling. 

"Shall we?" Cady asked.

"Let's."


	6. I Would Kiss You On The Lips, But I Don’t Wanna Infect You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible TW for anxiety and mentions of vomiting

"I swear, Janis Heidi Sarkisian, I _will_ press this button and call your girlfriend and demand she get her ass over here, no matter what you say."

"No, Damian! She can't come over here, please!" Janis spoke hoarsely and desperately.

"Jan, you're sick! Look at you! You're whiter than paper and you're holding onto your stomach like it's gonna fall off!" Damian yelled, pressing a hand to her forehead. "Jesus, girl, did you soak your head in molten lava this morning?!"

"Damian, I'm fine, I'm not sick, she can't know, please!" Janis knew just as well as Damian that she was definitely not fine, but there was no way she was going to admit it. 

The last thing she wanted was for Cady to come over there and see her like this. Janis' anxiety just loves to tell her constantly that she's the worst person on the planet, that she doesn't deserve Cady, that she's nothing but a burden on her and there's literally no reason why Cady shouldn't just go back to being with Aaron because he's way better for her. No one wants an ugly, desperate lesbian, there's no reason why she should be complaining, but at the same time, what if she is dying and this isn't just a little bug and it's really some deadly disease and she's going to die in a matter of minutes? Damian knew exactly how to deal with this whirlwind of apprehension and self-deprecation, but with Cady, Janis just wasn't sure.

"Listen, I'd gladly stay here with you and take care of you in a heartbeat, but if I miss one more rehearsal, they're booting me out and replacing me."

"Why do they even have rehearsals on Saturdays? That's dumb." 

"I know, sweet. But it's dress rehearsal. It's required or else they tarnish your reputation and you can never get a lead role again."

"What the hell is wrong with theater people?!" Janis exclaimed, trying her best to sound angry, but it's hidden within a haze of sickness.

"I'd take offense to that, but you're sick, so I'll let it slide. You don't want me getting sick either, do you?"

"Last time I had to take care of you, you almost passed out right on top of me."

"And we don't want that happening again now, do we?"

Damian's immune system was like steel, but on the off chance he comes into contact with someone as sick as Janis was, all hope was lost. When Damian gets sick, he gets _sick._ And that would make Janis feel like she's personally responsible, somehow making her feel like a shittier person than she already thought she was.

"I'm calling her." Damian stated flatly.

"Damian...don't make me-" Her words were cut off by a small coughing fit and a few accompanying moans as she collapsed back onto her couch.

"It'll be good for you, hon, I promise." Damian whispered soothingly.

Janis said nothing, staring pathetically up at him and awaiting the inevitable as the dial tone rang.

————————————————————————————————————————————————

Cady awoke that morning to the loud, frantic buzzing of her phone on her desk. At first, she thought it was just her alarm, but then she remembered it was Saturday. The buzzing stopped for all of ten seconds before starting back up again, drilling into her skull. She got up out of bed and quickly picked her phone up, noticing that it's Damian calling her, and answered immediately.

"Hello...?" Cady mumbled, still half asleep.

"Caddy, hey, thank God, I need you to get your ass over to Janis' pronto. She's absolutely refusing to talk to you but I've got rehearsal in 30 minutes and your girlfriend is sick as a dog. She can't be left alone." His tone lowered to a whisper, obviously trying not to let Janis hear him. "Frankly, I don't trust her to be alone, especially when she's like this. Being sick gives her all sorts of anxiety, it really fucks with her." 

Janis went into a second coughing fit in the background, a few gags interspersed, loud enough that Cady can hear them clearly over the phone. Obviously not a good sign. "I'll be over in 10, I promise."

————————————————————————————————————————————————

Cady hung up and bolted over to Janis' house. She made it there in basically no time at all. When she got there, Damian was frantically pacing back and forth outside the front door. He enveloped her in a bone crushing hug the second he saw her. 

"Caddy, thank God, you're a lifesaver! She's not doing so hot. She's been nonstop complaining since you hung up."

Damian lead her into the living room. The first thing Cady saw was Janis prone on the couch, rolling over repeatedly and slowly and hugging her stomach. An empty bucket lay on the floor next to her. She was shaking and frail, dripping in sweat but her teeth were chattering slightly like she's freezing. 

Cady knelt beside the couch, gently pressing a hand to Janis' forehead. She's burning up fast. "Did you take her temperature?" 

"100.8 degrees, but I'm sure it's gone up." 

"Oh, God, Jan, babe, you've really got it bad, haven't you?"

Janis nodded limply. "I feel like shit and it's scaring me and you shouldn't be here, I don't wanna get you sick," she murmured, sitting herself up slightly.

"I'll be fine, don't worry about me, okay? And even if I do get sick, I'll be okay." 

"Caddy...please, I'll be fine...I'll be..." Her voice croaked as it trailed off. She quickly picked up the bucket and placed it in her lap, gagging but trying hard to stifle it, to the point where it was hurting her burning throat. She swallowed hard, exhaling deeply and exhaustedly. 

"Jan, babe, don't fight it. You're gonna make it a whole lot worse if you do." Cady lectured her soothingly, rubbing her shoulder.

"Caddy, I'm scared. I hate throwing up, I hate it, I hate every second of it and I don't want to throw up." Janis took several quick, halted breaths as Cady squeezed her hand, wincing at how clammy it was.

"Breathe, J, in and out, you'll be fine, it's okay, don't fight it. I love you, and I know being sick like this makes you anxious, just take deep breaths, okay?"

Janis obeyed, her skin getting even paler and sweatier until the wave of nausea subsided a little and she leaned back against the couch, sighing as her chest rose and fell. 

"Better?" Cady asked softly. 

Janis shook her head very slightly, shutting her eyes and wincing in pain. "Caddy..." she moaned softly, holding onto her girlfriend's hand for dear life.

"Have you taken anything?"

"No...Caddy, please don't make me, I can't!"

"Jan, it'll help you feel a little better. Please, for me?"

"Caddy, I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to see me like this, I don't deserve you, I don't..." Anxiety ran amok, screaming that she was nothing but a burden, Cady could never love her. Tears welled in the corners of Janis' eyes, making them shine over the dullness of her pain. 

"Janis." Cady pressed a finger to Janis' chapped lips. "Jan, babe, mpenzi, I love you. I wouldn't have come so quickly if I didn't care about you. I promise, I'm happy to take care of you." Now, I'm going to get you something that will at least cool you down, your skin feels like it's on fire. You don't have to take medicine if you don't want to, even though I think it will help."

The tears fell anyway, and Janis weakly choked back sobs, pulling the bucket closer as her throat burned again. 

"Jan, I've got you, it's okay, let it out if you need to, I know it hurts and it sucks and it's awful but once it's done you'll feel better, I promise." Cady got up slowly, releasing Janis' sweaty hand and quickly grabbing a washcloth, soaking it with cold water and wringing it out before bringing it back to Janis. She knelt back next to her, taking her hand and gently pressing the cloth to Janis' feverish skin with her other hand. 

"It's okay, babe, I'm right here."

Janis moaned contently, the coolness of the washcloth seeping into her skin and refreshing her. 

"Caddy...Caddy I don't wanna throw up!" Janis wailed frantically, her breaths heavy as she gagged and heaved, no matter how hard she tried to hold it back. 

"I know, I know baby, shh, calm down. I'm right here, it'll be over soon."

Adrenaline was running high and Janis was panting over the bucket, half wanting to just throw up and get it over with like Cady said, and half scared to death of throwing up, trying to hinder the contents of her cramping stomach from making a reappearance.

After an agonizing five minutes of anxiety, restraint, and gentle persuasion, which felt like hours, Janis finally gave up, the spasms and pain shooting through her whole body becoming too much to bear. Deep, sharp heaves preceded, but it didn't take long for the acidic flow of bile to come up, feeling like it was going to burn a hole in Janis' throat. She barely had time to take a breath before it continued, additional tears rolling off her cheeks and into the bucket as well. 

"That's good, Jan. I've got you, you're okay. You're doing so good, just let it all out, I've got you." Cady reassured her, getting onto the couch next to her and pushing her long, dark hair out of her face, pulling it into a ponytail using a hair tie she wore on her wrist and turning to face away from the bucket, still consoling a shaking Janis.

As the vomiting slowed, Cady could hear small sobs echoing from inside the bucket. She rubbed Janis' sweaty back, hoping she was doing something helpful. She continued to press the now extremely warm washcloth to the back of Janis' neck, flipping it over repeatedly to find cool spots. 

Janis picked her head up slowly after a series of dry heaves, her muscles tense and her eyes red, puffy, and clouded over with pain and tears. "You done, babe?" Janis nodded slowly and solemnly, collapsing back onto the couch like before, now extremely pale and trembling, her face glimmering with sweat. 

Cady immediately took the bucket, washing it out in the kitchen sink blindly and carefully, not wanting to look at the contents. She brought the bucket back as quickly as she could, placing it where Janis would be able to reach it. 

"Feel any better?" Cady whispered.

Janis shook her head through the pained whimpers she was making. Cady wrapped her arms around Janis' shaking body and hugged her gently, feeling awful because Janis felt awful. 

"You're sure you don't want to take anything?" 

Janis whined again. Her head was throbbing and she just wanted to feel sort of okay, no matter how much she hated medicine. "I'll take something. Something small." Janis said, her voice raspy and shaky.

Cady was a little startled, but then she realized Janis must be feeling awful if she's agreeing to take medicine. Cady got her some fairly weak pills that wouldn't have that much of a negative effect on her, knowing that she already felt anxious and sick as it was. She returned quickly with the pills and a cup of ice water.

"Take these and drink something, please. You lost a lot of fluids." Cady pressed the pills into Janis' hand, giving her the water after she put the pills in her mouth. Janis swallowed them shakily, grimacing as they rubbed against her scratchy, raw throat, and took small sips of water. 

"Caddy...hold me?" Janis whimpered. Cady opened her arms and let Janis fall into them, staying still as Janis squirmed restlessly, her sweaty body soaking through Cady's clothes. She ignored this and held Janis tightly as she curled up into her lap. "I'm sorry if I've been annoying today."

"Jan, you're sick. You're not being annoying."

"You promise?"

"I promise. I love you." Cady said, softly kissing Janis' forehead, her lips crisp and cool against it. 

"I love you too. I wish I could kiss you on the lips, but I don't wanna infect you."

"Maybe when you're better." Cady stroked Janis' hair, twirling it absently as Janis settled comfortably into her lap, shutting her eyes.

"Feel better soon, mpenzi." Cady spoke softly as Janis drifted off to sleep.

By the time Damian came back to check on Janis, both girls were asleep on the couch, Janis' body was much cooler, and they were both finally calm and content.


	7. I’m Gonna Run To You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is loosely based off the TV show “Girls” The song is I’m Gonna Run To You by Bridgit Mendler.
> 
> **TW for self-harm and mentions of suicidal thoughts**

_If there's an ocean_

Vast, beautiful, crystal blue waters. But underneath lurks something more. More dangerous, more horrifying. More deadly. An ocean of pain. 

_It's just a puddle_

"It's going to be okay. You didn't do anything, did you?" Cady's begging and pleading, the blurry image of Janis on FaceTime shifting unsteadily. 

_That I've got to get across_

Bright red lines down her legs. Eyes wide with fear and hurt. She's got to get to her somehow. 

_Any mountain, I'll climb over_

Her parents would kill her for sneaking out. She can't take the car, it's too late for that.

_Like a kid on the monkey bars_

It's times like these when she wishes she could fix everything, restore the innocence that was robbed far too soon.

_I know you're out there somewhere_

Far away, down the dark, gloomy streets. Crying on her bathroom floor. The camera's shaking. 

_I know you miss me just like I miss you_

It's been too long since they've really talked. Not since that day. She could've called Damian, her mom, someone who deserved her trust. But she called Cady.

_No matter what, I'll get there_

Cady couldn't just leave her there. Not when she's like this. No matter what they've been through, what kind of monster would leave her?

_And you know I'll never stop_

"I'm on my way."

_I'm gonna run, run, run, run, run_

Running faster than she ever has before.

_I'm gonna run to you_

Feet pounding on the asphalt.

_I'm gonna run, run, run, run, run_

Heart thumping out of her chest.

_I'm gonna run to you_

She has to make it.

_You know I'll find you, I'm never far behind you_

"Stay with me, please."

_I swear these words are true_

"You're gonna be okay, I'm coming, stay right there."

_I'm gonna run, run, run, run, run_

"I'm going as fast as I can."

_I'm gonna run to you_

She needs to make it.

_Can you hear me? Hear me calling?_

Still there. Crying into her knees, but still there. If she's still there, she can't go get the pills.

_I know sometimes it's tough_

The pills that she so desperately wants to take.

_To hold on, keep believing_

"You're brave, Jan. You're really brave, just hang on." 

_When you don't feel strong enough_

She can't do it, she's falling too fast.

_Everyone out there gets scared_

Shaking so much, wishing she could curl up and die and it'd all be over.

_You know I love you_

Cady does love Janis...or at least she thinks she does. 

_Just like you love me_

Maybe Janis loves her too.

_No matter what, I'll get there_

But she'll never know until she gets there.

_Ain't no way I'll ever stop_

Has to keep going. 

_I'm gonna run, run, run, run, run_

No matter how much her feet feel like they need to be cut off.

_I'm gonna run to you_

No matter how much her chest hurts, how little oxygen is getting into her lungs.

_I'm gonna run, run, run, run, run_

No matter how much she just wants to turn around.

_I'm gonna run to you_

She has to keep going for Janis. 

_You know I'll find you, I'm never far behind you_

"Don't hang up, Jan. Just breathe. It'll all be okay." 

_I swear these words are true_

She has to make Janis think she's telling the truth. But is she? How could she say to breathe when the oxygen is escaping her own lungs with every step she takes? How could she say she'll be okay after all the shit she's been through. How could she give her that sort of false hope?

_I'm gonna run, run, run, run, run_

The sort of false hope that burns as much as Cady's chest is now. She absolutely can't promise that to her.

_I'm gonna run to you_

All she can do is keep going.

_Every minute I'm getting closer_

"I'm almost there, Jan, I'm almost there."

_I'm gonna show you any second_

Finally turning onto Janis' street.

_I'll walk through that door_

Climbing in through the window. Running to the bathroom door. Banging on the door, knocking harder than she's ever knocked on anything in her life.

_Here I come, yeah, oh, here I come_

The door clicks open. She made it.

_I'm gonna run, run, run, run, run_

No more running. Collapsing with her on the floor.

_I'm gonna run to you_

Pulling her in tightly. Letting her cry herself an ocean of tears.

_I'm gonna run, run, run, run, run_

The tears never seem to stop. They run down her cheeks, trickling faster than she can wipe them away. But Cady waits, catching her breath in the meantime. 

_I'm gonna run to you_

She cleans and bandages every cut with more love in her heart than she ever thought was possible to have. Hugs her until Cady feels even more numb than she was before. 

_You know I'll find you, I'm never far behind you_

No matter what, she kept going. Somehow she made it. Somehow she was found when she needed it most.

_I swear these words are true_

"I love you, Jan."

_I'm gonna run, run, run, run, run_

"I love you too." A tighter hug. And with that her mind is set. Whenever Janis needs her,

_I'm gonna run to you_

she'll always come running.


End file.
